Where did I leave off here? Right, we were in Capistrano Beach and Santa Cruz or something. For you six or seven people still following our progress on this godawful blog, sorry for leaving you in the dark for a while. Internet is a precious commodity when rolling around in the van and, honestly, a resource not often mentioned in land management and water conservation discussions. It's running out everybody; just ask Al Gore who invented it. Isn't that what that movie was about? No? Oh, nevermind.
So anyway, we were in Stockton, Fresno, and Redding at the end of the wee baby tour through the broke-ass state of California. And here are some stories for you told with my signature blend of cynicism, logic, and disgust. Starting here with some missing posters.
February 8, Stockton, California. We had just read an article about how Stockton is now considered the "most miserable city in America." Yes, that's the actual designation now. It says it when you drive into town. "Welcome to Stockton: America's Most Miserable City." No, not really. We found this missing poster hanging on a pole by Starbucks. Not thinking too much about it, I snapped this photo for your pleasure (discomfort?) and went along my jolly way. Then we went down to the hood, battled cockroaches by the car wash, saw the billboard explaining that there have been 48 murders so far this year, and the "most miserable" city in America seemed a bit more plausible all of a sudden. The next morning, the same Starbucks, the same pole in the same town square by the same shitty corporate movie theater, old Joe Mendoza's missing poster itself went missing, replaced by this one:
Is this a daily occurrence in Stockton? But yeah, this time, I left the phone numbers visible, because they are Sheriff's Office numbers and I think Stockton needs your help. Either people are just dropping like flies out there, or there actually are reptilian shapeshifters out there harvesting human organs for their lizard-man sustenance. I'm going with the latter. If you see "Joe" or "Eva," let the Sheriff know.
Well, now that my public service portion is taken care of, let's make fun of people. Starting with the California government. Come on, guys. Your main interstate is I-5 and you can't even keep that one nice. Really screwing up my writing time with your bumpy ass roads.
Yeah, my heart's just not in it right now. There was downtown LA next to heroin addict tunnel. There was Stockton, where apparently people disappear and get killed daily. Then Fresno, which has a bit of an identity crisis. Then Redding, which was cool. I know it sounds pretty absurd to say Redding is cool, but you guys really treated us well. Thanks for the pig meat, beer, and shows. No thanks to Robin at the gas station who wouldn't sell us cigarettes because we had Oregon IDs. Boycott USA Gas. How ironic that a place called USA Gas will only accept local IDs. Well, Robin, we're from Oregon so you better get your ass out here and pump our gas for us, because we don't accept out of state self serve pumps for our vehicle. No? Fine, I'll just spend my money at the Shell down the street where the toothless tweaker lady has no qualms about it. Happy?
Thank you so much for taking a snap shot of my uncle's flyer. Our hearts ache to know what happened to him. He has so much family walking the streets in hope we can get useful information. I only wish you could of saw what we walked through which we were warned and told to bring a gun and a group of people. Stockton needs more than prayer its so very sad! Much love and respect to what you do. Thank you! Christina Garcia
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