"Missing Cat, My male tabby [grey & white, is about 1 1/2 years old in the pictures above. Now I think he is about 3 1/2 years old. Last seen around 28th & Ferry & Amazon Park, Thanks, Please Help!!"
Now I know that people are busy and it's hard to keep track of time, but this doesn't add up. You think he's about 3 1/2 now, but seem certain he was 1 1/2 in the pictures, which you needed four of, because the intricacies of black and white copied photos might reveal some defining characteristics at different angles, especially when outlined in pretty purple marker.
So, this poster came from Eugene, Oregon. Since I am a geography whiz, I'll tell you what happened. The cat was attacked by a rogue gang of nutria from the Amazon Canal. Sometimes, they team up as juvenile delinquents when their rodent parents are mean to them, and beat the shit out of other animals. I know, I've seen it. Stop stealing those bread crumbs! They're for the ducks! And speaking of ducks, this area is also close to the University of Oregon, leading me to believe perhaps the cat was abducted by frat boys interested in the dark arts who sacrifice animals in exchange for the athletic success of the UO teams. And then, Phil Knight shows up and builds some garish new arena or something. Farfetched? Have you seen the new basketball floor? It apparently gave national viewers a headache with its intense reflectivity. If that's not black magic, I don't know what is. Except for maybe spells and potions and stuff.
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