You Did it Wrong! I Tell the Jokes Here.

This one's from Portland.  Again.  What is it about Portland and people losing their shit?  The problem here is, this smartass made the jokes for me.  I don't even have to say anything about this, because it's already funny.  But I will, because I never stop pleasing myself.  On the wiener.  Here's what it says if you can't read it.

"Missing (drawn by memory, may not be to scale), My bike was stolen from my front lawn last week.  It is a one-speed bike with a skull flag and a lightning bolt on it.  The lightning bolt and flag may have been removed.  This bike was brand new from the store.  No Reward.  I don't even want this bike back.  I just made these flyers to tell you that I hate you, bike thief.  I hope you ride my bike without a helmet and get hit by a monster truck.  I hope my bike takes you straight to hell."


Pretty good, right?  I know there is the possibility there was no bike in the first place.  But I don't care about that.  The point is, this was found hanging on a pole, therefore, it's fair game here.

So, I've already been accused a couple times of being a disgusting human being for writing this blog.  But what they don't understand is that I never claimed to be anything else.  I had beer for breakfast (although it was three pm at the time) today.  So I don't think there was ever a question about my moral fortitude.  So, try to laugh about it.  I don't see you guys out searching for missing people and pets, so, actually, I'm doing more for them than you are.  So there.

But, yeah.  Skull flag and lightning bolt?  Pretty sweet bike.  I would have stolen it too if I saw it just laying in the yard.  And rode it, with a helmet on, far from the monster truck show at the fairgrounds on Sunday Sunday Sunday.  But I'll probably go to hell anyway.  At least I'll have a bad ass one speed.

Thanks Sonia for this great find.  Keep searching.  And that goes for all of you.  You think I have time to search for posters all day?  I have all kinds of stuff to do.  Dishes, blogging, bathing.  It's hard being in a band.