That's Pretty Sad

One time I did see a purple rabbit.  But I think that was more a pink elephant type of thing, as I was hammered on Four Loco (damn you government, taking away our rights to make our hangovers even worse by chugging near lethal doses of caffeine on top of our malt liquor).  But anyway, I don't think that's a small brown holland lop.  Here's what probably happened.

Dad, coming home from work, found little Bugs dead in his cage and, not having the heart to tell little Suzy, he put him in a shoebox, dug a hole in the back yard and tossed him in, sending him to bunny heaven.

Suzy - Daddy.  Where's Bugs?  He's not in his cage.
Dad - I don't know, Suzy.  Maybe he went on vacation.
Suzy - Don't be silly, Daddy.  Bunnies don't go on vacation.
Dad - Then I don't know.
Suzy - We have to find him.  I'll make some posters.
Dad - You do that, Suzy.  (pours himself some scotch)  I'll be in the den.  I'm sure he'll turn up.
Suzy - Thanks, Daddy.  I love you.

Actually, little Suzy was me when I was a kid, and the bunny was a hamster.  And the scotch was bourbon.  That's how I know what happened.  Or maybe it was this...

"Missing Snake.  6.5 foot Red Tail Boa.  She escaped on 7/27 from 1470 Chambers.  If you see her, please call.  She is very docile & just fed.  Reward Offered!!"


Just fed.  Get it?  She ate the rabbit.  And I don't care how docile a boa constrictor is, they'll still wrap around your throat and choke you to death.  That's what reptiles do.  Kill other stuff.  So, please, Suzy, don't look too hard.  Daddy doesn't want to interrupt his drinking time with fishing you out of a snake's belly.  It's a real buzz kill.